Bonar Smash
I'm so very strong
I'm a very strong man
My work out consists
Of crushing nails with my hand
I must have been conceived
By some kind of a boulder
Like a rock from Stone Henge
Leaned up on the shoulder
Of the rock next to it
And one thing lead to the next
So basically I'm the product
Of two rocks having sex
It's the only explanation
For my formidable pecks
I can crush a brick between them
All I gotta do is flex
I'm built like a robot
Out of rise of the machines
But why? I don't know
The secret lies in my genes
To help me concentrate
I crush a can on my face
And decide the time has come
For me to finally trace
The branches of my family tree
To its trunk in the past
And at last explain
This sweet, stone-chiselled a$$
I surfed the net to find the
Most efficient family tracker
It racks up my relatives
Lumberjacks and linebackers
I go back generations
And hold my breath in suspense
When I see my origin
It all begins to make sense
I finally understand
These genes I'm carrying
Apparently I descended from Bonar
The Barbarian
"Bonar smash!"
He would allegedly say
Before he headbutted
Everything that got in his way
In the greatest of battles
Bonar crushed his opposition
Disfiguring his foes
Beyond any recognition
Once he headbutted a tree
And it set ablaze
Though his eyebrows were singed
He remained unphased
But enraged
So he f**king headbutted the ground
The earth started to shake
And sh*t shifted around
Bonar voiced his opinion
"Maybe that was bad idea"
But the tectonic plates
Already split up Pangaea
A volcano erupted
Covering Bonar in ash
It gone on his clean pants
So he screamed "That's it!"
Bonar smash!
Bonar smash!
Bonar smash!
Bonar smash!
No wonder I'm so strong
It comes from within
It's not my fault
I'm related to a barbarian
With respect I go outside
And smash a tree with my face
And tree bark and flames going
All over the place
But then some of the bark
Instantly turned into ash
And got on my clean pants
So I screamed "That's it!"
Toby smash!
Toby smash!
Toby smash!
Toby smash!
It's like I awakened
Something dormant within
Like the instinctual urge
Of the barbarian
I'm crushing walls and plates
Steel girders and crates
Until this urge abates
But it won't at this rate
'Cause I tipped over a table
With a tray full of ash
It got on my new shoes
So I screamed "That's it!"
Toby smash!
Toby smash!
Toby smash!
Bonar smash!
